Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
