I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
