I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
