The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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