Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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