I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
