I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I deserve this hangover.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
