.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
