I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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