absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
