and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
