I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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