His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
