Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
