you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
