I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
