I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
