If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
