brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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