he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
