I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
