She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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