Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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