I accidentally had phone sex last night
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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