Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
