the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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