great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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