I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
