So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
