it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
