Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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