dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
