How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
