I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
