he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
