Will you blow on my dice?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
