Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
