Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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