carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
