I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
