you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
