How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
