Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
