did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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