i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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