she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
