I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
