I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
