The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
