A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
