theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize