It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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