the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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