how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
