Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
