I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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