this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
