mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
