I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
