Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
