you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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