On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
