Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
