I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
