how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
