Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
