Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
