I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
