i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
