So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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