I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
